I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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