3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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