Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
