you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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