I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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