omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize