At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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