No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize