You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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