Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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