were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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