Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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