You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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