so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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