ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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