Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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