You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
not ubering you a puppy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize