K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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