Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize