I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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