actually, I'm a sock model
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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