dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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