I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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