My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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