Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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