Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize