I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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