I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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