I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize