i was born a porn star she said
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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