Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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