He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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