....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will be naked everywhere
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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