I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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