We won't sleep together?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize