Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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