Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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