i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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