i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize