My girlfriend figured out who you are.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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