just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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