I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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