dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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