I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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