Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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