I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize