and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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