You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize