do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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