Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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