I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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